Sunday, 26 October 2014

The Shidduch Crisis: The Importance of Marrying Jewish

 

This article is written by Shoshanah Shear, Freelance Writer and Author
Shadchan and more. 

In our previous post, we began to share the first of a series of Shidduch tips. Before we continue with these tips, we'd like to touch on various factors and issues that are contributing to the Shidduch crisis that is experienced world wide. 

Let us begin with an idea that for some is common sense but for others they can be wondering "What does that have to do with me?" The topic is "Why marry Jewish?"

Many feel that as long as the person is a good person, it does not matter if s/he is Jewish or not Jewish, as long as I marry a good person, that is what counts. Sadly that thinking is contributing to the Shidduch crisis.

"Nonsense!" you might say. Well let us take a look at a few concepts and then offer a summary.

In Parshas Va'Eschanan 7:3 we read "You shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughter to his son, and you shall not take his daughter for your son." This is a direct command in the Chumash itself which means it's a positive command or Mitzvah which is Torah based. Torah based Mitzvos have stronger importance and significance than Rabbinical Mitzvos. It is not that anyone is learning this out, it is a direct command in the Torah. 

Since we are commanded to marry Jews only, let us consider another concept. The Gemara in Nidda 16b teaches that at the time of conception, an angel takes a drop of this conception to Hashem in order to receive direction. Who the Neshama will marry, whether s/he will be rich or poor, what house s/he will be born into and many other details. If at the time of conception, it is already decided who the Neshama should marry, that Neshama will be a Jew. What does this mean?

At the time of birth, the baby is touched on the lip and forgets all that s/he learnt when in the womb. This means, whether or not the Neshama knew who s/he should marry, I do not know, but s/he comes into this world to fulfill a mission. Though we are given freedom of choice, the Chumash tells us to choose life. Life being fulfillment of Torah and Mitzvos.

So the baby is born to family x with exactly the set of circumstances that are perfect for whatever purpose s/he has come into this world. That includes marrying a specific person as decided for you when you were conceived. Now comes our problem related to why we should marry Jewish. 

Hashem in His infinite Wisdom will ONLY decree that a Jewish Neshama marries a Jewish Neshama as that is in keeping with Torah. If we come along and use our freedom of choice to marry someone who is not Jewish, not only do we go against a positive commandment of the Torah, but we force the Jew who was destined to be our soul -mate, our spouse, to go into the Shidduch pool and suffer the difficulty of trying to find you but you are not there. Where are you? With a non-Jew.

This is the first of various factors that are contributing to the Shidduch crisis.

What can you do to help? First and foremost, marry a Jew

In the next post we hope to give a few practical tips to help you to marry a Jew.

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If you know any Jew or Jews who are looking to get married, Chessed Ve'Emet offers a comprehensive, professional Shidduch Service
Please be in touch for a Shidduch interview.

If you would like to learn more about the Torah approach to marrying, Chessed Ve'Emet offers Torah shiurim individually and in groups, online or in person. Do be in touch for this too.

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Shidduch Tips 1 - Relationship between Shadchan and Single

In response to some of the questions, comments and irritations we hear from singles we work with or those who have not yet signed up for our Shidduch Service, we at Chessed Ve'Emet have prepared for you a 2 minute slide show with 5 tips that give a little insight into your relationship with your Shadchan and what YOU can do to improve ensure your relationship is more effective. 


We do hope you have enjoyed our prepsentation. Please let us know your feedback. 

If you are single and are not yet on our Shidduch database, do be in touch to make an appointment for an interview or to sign up for a Shidduch workshop. 

If you know any Jew or Jews who are looking to get married, Chessed Ve'Emet offers a comprehensive, professional Shidduch Service
Please be in touch for a Shidduch Interview.

If you would like to learn more about the Torah approach to marrying, Chessed Ve'Emet offers Torah shiurimg individually and in groups, online or in person. Do be in touch for this too.


Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Chessed Ve'Emet's Shidduch Service

Chessed Ve'Emet offers a professional, comprehensive Shidduch service. We work with Jewish singles, divorcees and widows / widowers who are serious about getting married and establishing a Jewish home based on authentic Torah values. Our clients range in age from early 20's to early 80 and across the spectrum of orthodox Hashkafot. 

We offer an active Shidduch service that begins with an indepth, structured interview. 

For those who are finding Shidduchim difficult or challenging we also offer Shidduch coaching assisting you:
  • to identify your life goals and the type of home that will best suit your lifestyle, health and interests
  • to ascertain from the above the type of person most suited to you and what areas you are willing to compromise on
  • to improve self-esteem, self-confidence and a sense of self worth
  • to improve dating skills
  • to assist you to structure your life so that finding the most appropriate Shidduch is your number ONE priority. 
Shidduch coaching is offered both individually and in groups in the form of an interactive workshop. 
 
A recent client booked an appointement to explore whether she would need the Shidduch coaching and soon switched to the in-depth interview. She booked to come to us in person and also visited our Bayit Chadash Store. After returning home she sent us the following in an email. 

Dear Shoshanah and Eliyahu

I was overwhelmed with your kindness and felt so welcome in your home.  From the painstaking time and effort you expended to complete my shidduch profile to the rugelach and apple you sent me home with, I felt like family.  I have such admiration for what you are doing for orphan kallot …  May you be amazingly successful in all your chessed projects …. 

(E.K.)

If you would like to book an appointment either for a Shidduch interview or for Shidduch coaching, please email us

We look forward to hearing from you. 


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