Sunday, 23 November 2014

Shidduch Problems - Men over 50 - Part 2



We're discussing the issues raised when a man over 50 wants to marry and still have children and sets a number of conditions before even considering if the woman might be a potential match. Please visit our previous post for more information. 

As mentioned in the other post, we took this scenario to some women on a few F.B. groups. The next group of responses had some comments of understanding towards the man's situation. 

A few women acknowledged the man's position but stated that "given the fact they have let life slide by and many have not focused on marriage when younger, they have little respect for them. The women request that these men consider marrying a woman who already has children or adopting." (anonymous)

A med student said that "the feeling of needing to have a biological child is not limited to gender. The difference is, a woman can now-a-days have a biological child without a man. For a man to do so, it is a lot harder, and in Israel, impossible. (Finding an egg donor and surrogate). I don't think it's wrong for the man to look for someone who he can have a child with, esp. if he's saying it upfront. If a woman doesn't agree with that approach they don't need to marry him. If both parties know what they're getting into, that's their right." (R. B)

"I think it is fair to say they are looking to start a family but ridiculous and arrogant to make fertility treatments a precondition to even dating. It worries me that if this is how older men, who are "supposed" to be mature and wiser, think - what hope is there for the younger generation when looking for a Shidduch?" (Anonymous)

"I think it is very fair for them to say that they want kids, preferably their own. On the other hand, it makes it icky to specify what is needed for that to happen." (Anonymous)


Please visit our blog again for the next post of comments on what women think of this request. 

Do you have an opinion on the topic. Please post your comment below.

Are you searching for a Shidduch? Visit our website, Chessed Ve'Emet and be in touch for your Shidduch Interview.

Having some difficulty with the Shidduch Process? Be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet for a Shidduch workshop, mentoring or counselling to assist in easing your process and helping you come to Chuppah.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Shidduch Problems - Men over 50 - Part 1



Over the past months or year, we have had a number of men contact us for our Shidduch service. Before you get excited, these men have a tough request. They are men ages 50 – 70 some previously married with children, some previously married without children and some who never married. All of them are wanting children from the marriage they are searching for. Now if they would say they just want children and are open to how Hashem enables them to be a father, then there are many possibilities. They could, for example, marry a woman who has children and be a good step-father to them, they could support orphans, they could even adopt orphans or abandoned children. But these options are not ones they are prepared to consider. They all want their own biological children and hence before considering if a woman is compatible or not, number one is she must be young, thin, pretty and prepared to have all fertility treatment including I.V.F or egg donation if having children is not happening fast enough. Keep in mind that egg donation means the baby would not be the woman's biological child but this does not concern them.

I took this scenario to women in a few F.B. groups and have had some varied replies. I'll share some of these over several posts

The first group of responses were fairly similar. A number of women find this request makes them feel uncomfortable or ill, one expressed it as though "the men are looking for a breeding cow or goat and not someone to be a lifelong companion." (anonymous)

"Are they looking for a surrogate or a partner? Life works in funny ways. When one is a child there is hope married by age x, kids by age y etc and then life happens. I think they should look for someone to build a relationship, life with and hope for children etc. But then again in this day and age there are all types of people out there..." Anonymous

Please visit our blog again for the next post of comments on what women think of this request. 

Do you have an opinion on the topic. Please post your comment below.

Are you searching for a Shidduch? Visit our website, Chessed Ve'Emet and be in touch for your Shidduch Interview.

Having some difficulty with the Shidduch Process? Be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet for a Shidduch workshop, mentoring or counseling to assist in easing your process and helping you come to Chuppah.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Are you Searching for Meaning

Are you searching for meaning in your life? Are the current events in the world causing you to question and wonder? All kinds of questions can come up, especially to the last few weeks in Israel. While some questions will have to wait for answers until the coming of Moshiach (the Messiah) when Eliyahu HaNavi (Elijah the Prophet) will answer all our questions, there are many answers we can find. 

The only real place to find answers to the meaningful of our lives, how to develop purpose, how to increase meaning and purpose in our lives, what is good and kind and when it is kind to set a limit is to study from the Torah. In truth, how to live effectively in this world and realize our potential, is all to be found in the Torah. For the Torah was given to us from the Creator of all, Who "Looked into the Torah and Created the World." 

What does this mean? Was this before creating light and dark? If so, how did He see to look into a Torah? How did the Torah exist if it was not yet written as we know it? How did He Look if G-d has no body?

If you have questions, the place to find them is in the Torah. It takes having the right teacher and lots of patience to learn and learn, ask questions and learn some more. It takes being humble enough to say you don't understand and to keep searching until you find an answer or reach a level where you realize your question has to be set aside for Eliyahu HaNavi to answer.

At Chessed Ve'Emet we offer Torah learning online and in person. We invite you to join us from the comfort of your own home. Learn a specific section or from a Sefer of your choice. If you do not yet know how to read Hebrew, we can teach you that too. 

Please note, we teach authentic Torah only.

Find the meaning in your life that you are searching for.  

Be in touch TODAY!

We look forward to hearing from you. 


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