Magical Mikvah Moment

A woman recently asked advise as to how to manage with an upcoming mikvah date. Upon the recommendation to contact the mikvah women and request help, she later shared how positive her experience was. The following story is being shared with her permission, specifically so as to inspire other women both to fulfill the mitzvah of Family Purity including immersing in the mikvah and also to ask for help when necessary.

As the story was told to me, the woman had had a fall and was concerned about immersing, due to the pain she experienced several days after her injury. As the time progressed and the pain continued, various details made her concerned of an upcoming Mikvah date. The Mikvah is a very private aspect of the role of the Jewish woman and it was hard to know what to do. Often women don't know who to turn to for help or even if they can ask for help due to the very privacy of this mitzvah. "Should I go to fulfil the mitzvah? How do I know when I am ready? I still felt dizzy and in pain. I was nervous. I could not think how to carry out certain aspects of the preparation. The more I thought, the more I wondered how to fulfil this mitzvah."

As is recommended in various books on the laws of Family Purity, the first step is to ask a competent rabbi well versed in these laws as to what to do and also to get the medical clearance that you are fit to immerse with assistance if necessary.

The rest of the story is as if told in her own words:

"I was so nervous. I like to keep some things to myself and did not enjoy having to say what had happened or that I did not know how to do everything I needed for myself. I had a mitzvah to fulfill and had been advise to ask for help, so I called the Mikvah house. The woman who answered the phone immediately put me at ease. She assured me that there are situations when women need help either to prepare for the Mikvah or with immersing. “Come,” she told me. “Don’t worry about anything. We will help you wherever you need. That is what we are here for.”

When I arrived she took time to make sure the bathroom she gave me was closest to the mikvah and escorted me there, rather than the usual communication of just telling me the bathroom number and leaving me to go on my own.

After discussing a few details she left me, advising not to lock the door in case I needed anything and ensuring me no-one would come in unless I permitted it. After I was in the bath for about 10 -15 minutes, the intercom buzzed and a kind voice asked if everything was alright and if I needed any help. When I explained I could not bend forward she replied, “No problem, I will come to help you.”

Soon afterwards there was a gentle knock on the door and an enquiry as to whether she could come in. No coarseness or barging in, instead she treated me with complete respect of one woman to another, and a recognition for the duality of my need for privacy – yet being forced by circumstances to accept assistance. When I explained the few areas I did not know how to do, she helped in a gentle caring manner that made me want to cry with gratitude.

Next came that magical mikvah moment – the moment I was most afraid of. How would I immerse? What would I do if I did not feel well? How could I go through with this? The Mikvah lady was like an angel in human form. She asked what had happened and how I was feeling. She patiently listened as though she had all the time in the world. With utmost care and concern she guided me through making sure I had prepared everything and if there was anything else she could help with. She put my mind at ease about immersing.

She waited to make sure I could walk down the steps on my own and once she knew I would be OK, told me to tell her if I needed help. Then very respectfully, she turned so as not to look at me as I took off my towel. For each stage she was with me. An experience that had begun even a few days before with fear, anxiety and trepidation turned into the most blessed precious moment.

As I came out of the Mikvah, after the usual caring greeting she walked me back to the bathroom, helped me to sit down and waited as I had some water to drink. She made sure there was enough air and that I could manage to dress on my own. When she was satisfied I was able to be left alone, she left with a message to call again if I needed anything.

When I was finally ready to leave, these two kind women asked again how I felt and if I wanted to call my husband to meet me."

A fall, accident or trauma is always filled with negativity – pain, suffering, questions, confusion. The wonderful way in which the mikvah ladies extended so much care and sensitivity, highlighted how easy it is to treat our fellow with respect, kindness and caring. How easy it is to share together with them what they are going through in a way that makes them feel special. How easy it is not only to reduce the stress but to turn a potentially traumatic experience into a magical, blessed moment. It taught me too why we are so blessed to be the nation to receive the Torah. For through doing all I could to fulfil a mitzvah I was taught the hidden inner beauty of a life of Torah and Mitzvos. The teaching of Hillel and of Rabbi Akiva that is highlighted during this time period was illustrated so beautifully. What is hateful to yourself, do not do to another! To love your fellow Jew – this is a great rule in the Torah!

When we really embrace the Torah, it becomes an elixir for life. It teaches us how to treat our fellow in a manner that removes all their worries, troubles and concerns and leaves them feeling embraced by the messengers of G-d with renewed strength and hope to face the next series of challenges.

It should be noted for any woman who needs it, that there are mikvaot specifically designed to assist a woman with a disability to fulfill this special mitzvah. These special mikvah houses have an electric bath seat like a hoist that can lower the woman into the water in the event that she is unable to walk for any reason. If you find yourself in need of help, dont feel an injury whether temporary or permanent need keep you from this important mitzvah. Ask a rabbi or rebbetzin for help and may Hashem guide you to the right place with special mikvah ladies ready to help you carryout all that is necessary to fulfill the important mitzvah of family purity.