Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Shidduchim - As Difficult as the Splitting of the Red Sea

There is a story told that someone questioned what Hashem does all the years since creating the universe. The answer given was that He spends His time making shidduchim.

The Torah also teaches that finding one's shidduch is as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea (Sanhedrin 22a). G-d is All Powerful and able to do anything. If this is true, then why should finding one's shidduch be as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea? G-d can do anything!

One beautiful explanation I once heard was that it depends on our perspective. When you have the outlook and faith like that of Nachshon ben Aminadav -the first Jew to walk into the Red Sea then the splitting of the Red Sea is easy! Nachson ben Aminadav had pure faith that even though the sea was in his path, that somehow something would happen to change this. He began to walk into the sea, and by the time the waters reach close to his nose, they split!

Of course Hashem can do it, it is just a matter of timing and our putting in the right effort, even if that is only a token effort.

If, on the other hand, our outlook is that it is impossible to split the Red Sea - water does not behave as a wall and people cannot walk through or on water, then the shidduchim process is a difficult one too.

In my family, there is a beautiful tradition of how one of my sets of great grandparents met. My great grandfather had come out from Europe to South Africa to escape either the depression or Pogroms and was going to join a cousin in the middle of South Africa. The plan was that he would work together with this cousin in his family business. However, when he arrived, the cousin did not have enough work for him and so my great grandfather moved on to another small town. A town with little or no Jewish community. There he set up a grocery store and managed to make an honest livelihood.

One day, a traveling salesman came through the small town and they did business. At the end of the visit the traveling salesman asked my great grandfather why he was so down. They had just done business in an amicable fashion, one would think he would be happy.

My great grandfather admitted that although he was managing financially, how could he be happy when he was getting older and did not know when, if or how he could possibly meet a good Jewish woman of marriagable age.

The traveling salesman took pity on his new friend and reassured him. "Dont worry," he said. "My eldest daughter has just come of age to marry. She will make a fine wife for you."

So it was that my great grandparents united in marriage and set up a Jewish home. There was a considerable age gap, but nevertheless, they had a good marriage until my great grandfather returned his soul to his Maker. They had three daughters and from there were blessed with grandchildren and great grandchildren.

What did it take to make this shidduch? Other than Hashem's guiding hand, the honesty to tell a fellow Jew his troubles and the kindness of one Jew to another.

Why do I tell this story?
  1. To give you the reader hope, that no matter where you are, even in a desolate country town, Hashem can find a way to send the right messenger to make your shidduch happen.
  2. Although Hashem is the Main Shadchan, we at Yeshivas Dira BeTachtonim, offer the service of a listening ear and a caring heart to do what we can to help lighten your journey and enable you to meet your Life Partner (soulmate).
If you are looking for your soul-mate or concerned for a friend or relative who is still single, please contact either or

Please put your or their name on our Tehillim lists.

Please request us to send you our shidduch questionnaire, specifically designed to help you clarify who you are looking for and to help us know you better and what kind of person might be best suited to you.

May this be the effort you require in order for Hashem to split the sea for you and bring you and your true soulmate to chuppah and to building a Bayit Ne'eman together B'Yisrael.

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