Sunday, 13 July 2008

Chizuk for Older Singles

The Shidduch process can often be a very difficult one. Increasingly we are seeing older singles and when one is over a certain age, the process definitely becomes harder. It is harder to go out for Shabbos meals and know that you will be alone when others of your age are married, perhaps with children but certainly married. It is hard to keep on putting in the effort required to try to find the right partner.

Some years ago, I wrote to a cousin of mine, Rabbi Yaakov Bear, asking for advise regarding shidduchim. He shared with me a beautiful story that I would like to share with anyone who is an older single.

Rabbi Moshe Shapira shlitah quoted a Gemorra that seeing shidduchim and weddings do not only affect the Chosen and Kallah, but also the yichus and future generations, it is clear that Hashem Himself must be in charge and not leave this in the hands of others. He told the following story from his father-in-law, who in turn had heard it from the Chofetz chaim z"l himself.

In Europe, there are times of the year when Shabbos comes out late, sometimes as late as
10 p.m. or 10.30 p.m. As Rav Moshe Shapira continues, when the cholent was finished and the Sammuvar was empty of hot water, what was left to do? It was customary for the men to go to shul to recite Tehillim before Maariv. On one particular Shabbos, one Jew was sitting next to another Jew and heard how he was emotionally crying out to Hashem while saying his Tehillim. The Jew said to his neighbour, "I don't know you and you don't know me, but one thing is clear, something is sitting on you. Why don't you unburden yourself to me and perhaps I can help you?"

The second Jew responded "I don't believe you can help but seeing as you have asked I will answer you. My daughter is getting on in years and there are no sugestions for shidduchim coming at all. So how can you help?"

"Well," responded the other man, "I have a son who is also getting on in years, he can learn and he can make a living, why not make a shidduch between my son and your daughter?"

Asked the Chofetz Chaim, who were the progeny from this shidduch/wedding? The famous commentator on Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat (Laws between man and his fellow man) the Ktzos Hachoshen and his five brothers, each a sage to be reconned with in his own right.

As Rabbi Bear ended, the real avoda is through prayer.
It also shows the power of one Jew caring about the pain of another and doing an act of kindness to help ease his fellow Jew's suffering.

Please let the story give you some strength that the right one is there for you and Hashem is the one who makes it happen.

If you would like to join us in reciting the Sefer Tehillim each Shabbos, there is a teaching that by davening for someone else who requires what you need, that your prayer will be answered first.

If you are interested in our workshops, strengthening in any area in preparation for building your Bayit Ne'eman, Guided Visualizations to help in strengthening your Bitachon (faith) or wish to know of our shidduchim service, please email

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It is always good to hear a story over and over again because then many meanings present themselves. This gives comfort and hope to those who pray sincerely and from the heart.


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