The Need to Conquer One's Tendencies – No Matter What They Are

The Torah teaches that there are no coincidences. Everything is directed by Hashem and we can learn something from every situation.

Yesterday, there was another tragic incident in Yerushalayim. As it turns out, this took place on exactly the same street that was used for the Gay Parade that took place about a month ago. Just a few hours after hearing of what had taken place, I happened to be reading the book “Despite All Odds – the Story of Lubavitch” by Edward Hoffman. The section that I read gives an insight into the Torah view of homosexuality.

Let us take a look at what was taught by Rabbi Friedman at Poughkeepsie’s local Chabad House on “Homosexuality: A Hasidic Perspective”. As Edward Hoffman relays to us, Rabbi Friedman explained that “homosexuality is a natural and possibly inborn tendency. He (Rabbi Friedman) suggests that most people undoubtedly posses at least the potential to become physically attracted to members of the same sex. He further informs the gathering that whether homosexual or not, ‘a Jew is still a Jew’ and that, ‘in Lubavitch synagogues, we don’t exclude anyone from joining us, whatever their proclivities’. Nevertheless, Rabbi Friedman gently insists, ‘Homosexuality is wrong. Not because I think it’s wrong, but because the Torah says so. It’s a sin, just like other sins. And people are supposed to stop sinning if they haven’t yet. Just because something seems natural, that doesn’t mean it’s okay. There are children born crippled or with speech defects, or with many other kinds of disorders, and they’re all natural. That doesn’t mean we don’t try to cure the person, just because it’s a condition that’s normal. And to from congregations of Jews who are homosexual makes as much sense as having a congregation of adulterers, or any other kind of sinners.’

“Citing the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s remarks around the time of the shiur, Rabbi Friedman stresses that homosexuality can be overcome, and that an individual with such tendencies can nevertheless marry, raise children, and remain faithful to his or her spouse. He concedes that such a person may have to struggle through an entire lifetime to control the homosexual urge, but states, ‘As long as they physically abstain from the act, they haven’t sinned. A thought is not a sin. And yes, people who have to struggle with this tendency are not in a very happy state of affairs. They need all the compassion and support and love we can give’” [1]

How, one might ask, does one overcome a strong tendency? Why should we strive to overcome our nature?

In Pirkei Avos, Ethics of our Fathers, 2:1, Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi teaches us to reflect on three things and we will not come into the clutches of sin: Know what is above you: an eye sees, an ear hears, and all your deeds are recorded in the Book. As the commentary of this Mishna teaches, Hashem who created light, eyes and sight, sees everything at every moment. Hashem, who created sound and ears, hears everything.

And, at the end of every day, our very soul ascends to heaven and attests to what we did that day. It, our own soul (Neshama) signs a page in a book, agreeing that the body it is housed in performed x sins and y mitzvos that day.

Every Jew has the potential to sin in one way or another. But the information as to what sins we perform are private, they are between the Jew concerned and Hashem. Preferably we should do an accounting of the soul once or twice a day and correct what mistakes we have made.

In the Chassidic teaching on the reason for the Akeidas Yitzhak (Sacrifice of Isaac), we ask why Avraham Avinu’s (our forefather Abraham's) 10^th and final test included the potential sacrifice of his only son. The Chassidic teaching says that it was not to teach that we do not engage in human sacrifice as this is brought down elsewhere, but rather that Avraham Avinu succeeded in overcoming his inclination to kindness for the sake of serving Hashem. So we learn that every Jew has to change who they are in order to serve Hashem to the full, and for the right reasons. In addition, since Avraham the first Jew succeeded in overcoming his inclination, so too, every Jew has the ability built in his very make-up to overcome his inclinations.

There are many more teachings on these thoughts, which can be developed further in another article. Suffice it to say that the Torah way is to work on oneself in a quiet, modest manner and not to advertise or group together with others who have the same sin that they need to overcome, parading through the streets announcing to all what their sin is. The one that needs to know sees everything even in the dark and secret places. He already knows, and our Neshama, soul, already knows what work needs to be done. What needs to take place is to quietly talk to Hashem and work with Him so as to return to the correct path.

We are taught that the eye of Hashem is on the Land of Israel and on Yerushalayim Ir HaKodesh even more so. By learning the teaching of the Lubavitcher Rebbe regarding homosexuality and that one with this tendency MUST strive to overcome it, together with the Pirkei Avos, may we merit a healing in the Holy City and no further harm to Am Yisrael.

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[1] This quotation was taken from pages 94 – 95 of the book “Despite All Odds” by Edward Hoffman