Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Laws of Lashon Hara related to Shidduchim - 1

We are taught that Rav Yosef Chaim Zonnenveld, Av Beis Din / Rav of Yerushalayim at the end of the 1800's was very involved in making shidduchim and guiding young couples to marry early. Through the work he did to encourage young couples, there were times he had to highlight to a young Jew or Jewess that they had been bitten by the Lashon Hara bug and need to ignore things others say and move forward with a given shidduch. 

Over a few blog posts, we hope to list some laws of guarding ones tongue that are crucial to Shidduchim.

The information listed below comes from the book "Guard your tongue" Adapted from the Chofetz Chaim, page 176 on the section of Rechilus (tale bearing)

The Torah Law regarding whether one can tell a prospective marriage partner about a Serious Internal Illness

If either of the prospective marriage partners has a major physical deficiency, such as a serious illness that is not generally discernable, you are permitted to inform the other party. HOWEVER, you must meet the following conditions:

 A) You must be certain that the choson or kallah is actually ill.  Instances when he or she is merely weak by nature are not included in this category and such information should not be volunteered.

 B) You must be careful not to exaggerate the extent of the illness.

 C) You must be motivated by concern for the person you are warning, not by any considerations of dislike for the other party.

D) If you feel that they will marry despite your advice, you should REFRAIN from mentioning the matter. Since nothing beneficial will emerge from your warning, it is FORBIDDEN.

May we all be zocher to master the laws of Guarding Ones Tongue - Shmiras HaLashon. 

For those serious about finding the right shidduch, you are welcome to be in touch with us for our Shidduch Service

If you would like to set up a regular learning session to learn the Laws of Guarding Ones Tongue more indepth, please contact Rabbi Eliyahu Shear or Shoshanah

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