Thursday, 27 May 2010

What to Relate to a Shadchan Regarding a Shidduch That Is Not Suitable

When involved in the Shidduchim process, there are times one has to let the Shadchan know that the person they set you up with is not suitable. How do we do this? Can we say whatever we like? Does it harm anyone if they hear everything we want to express about the person we just went on a date with?
The Chofetz Chaim teaches us that there are limitations as to what to tell a Shadchan.
In the book "Guard Your Tongue" Adapted from the Chofetz Chaim we learn on page 180:

"If someone arranged a meeting between two people for shidduch purposes, neither of the two people should unnecessarily relate derogatory information to the middle person about the other. If one of the two is not interested in meeting the other again a reply of, "I dont think that we are suited for each other" is sufficient. If one of the two happened to mention any faults to the middle person, the middle person should not repeat this to the other party, as this would constitute r'chilus (tale bearing). This form of Lashon Hara and r'chilus is quite common, and it often causes long lasting feelings of animosity."

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