Friday, 4 June 2010

Shidduch Tips - When a Shidduch is an Only Child

Yesterday we were approached by someone asking if we can assist a single Jewish woman with shidduchim. Always happy to help I sat down to listen to the story. The situation upset me deeply. The single Jewess, we'll call her Rachel, is a really lovely person. Actually I have met her in passing but not known she was looking.

 Rachel is an only child and is "Frum from birth", she is very caring to her parents, but both have various health problems. Rachel has been trying Shidduchim for some time now and has met some strange guys and some nice guys. The reason Shidduchim with the nice guys has not turned out is because she is an only child and her parents have a health problem.

This saddens me deeply. This is NO REASON to turn down a Shidduch. On the contrary it is an added reason to move forward with the Shidduch.

Let us take a look at just a few Yidden who were in perhaps similar situations. Let us begin with Yitzhak Avinu the very first Shidduch made. Yitzhak is the only child to Sarah Imeinu and was born in her old age. In a certain sense, he too did not have a huge family to offer to his Kallah. But the Chumash does not talk of Rivkah questioning as to how many siblings Yitzhak had or how young Avraham and Sarah were or how many counsins, aunts and uncles there would be. She agreed and when seeing Yitzhak for the first time realized what a great person she would be marrying.

How about the Rav Moshe ben Shmuel Sofer. He was born to elderly parents and also an only child, but Rav Moshe is better known to us as none other than the Great Tzaddik the Chasam Sofer. Look at what he became and what he contributed to this world. Can any woman have turned down a shidduch just because he did not have siblings or healthy, young spritely parents?

How about Rav Yisrael ben Eliezer. He was born an only child to elderly parents, not only this but he was orphaned by both parents at a very young age. Rav Yisrael ben Eliezer is of course the Baal Shem Tov. Have a look at what he contributed to our world? Such awesome Torah, such kindness, so many inspiratinal stories.

OK, you want to argue that these are all men, let us look at a Jewish woman from our time. Have you ever heard of the book " More Precious than Pearls" or perhaps the book "Here You Are" and several others? These are written by Rebbetzin Tzippora Heller. Rebbetzin Hellers contribution to the world, and to Jewish women can be seen on her website 

Rebbetzin Heller is an inspiration to countless Jewish women around the world. In addition to her teaching, writing and huge acts of kindness she is also a wife and mother of a sizeable family with grandchildren. When I learned with Rebbetzin Heller some years ago, I remember her being given as an example of how 1 child can bring so much Nachas to parents. She too is an only child.

If you were to know at the time of dating that the only child you were meeting would contribute to the world as the above 4 examples have and do, would you seriously turn down a shidduch just because the Jew is an only child and or because s/he is an orphan or has parents with health problems?

If you are interested in a caring, comprehensive Shidduch service, please visit Torah Online or email Shoshanah or Reb Eliyahu directly.

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