Sunday, 20 November 2011

Why Do Women Become Mothers?


According to modern research, the statistics of infertility has risen. What does a couple do when faced with the first few months going by and no sign of the blessing to their home. The first year, second year and more and still no blessing, in terms of children.

As you might notice from previous posts on this blog, amongst other groups of clients I work with has been the exciting and beautiful work of helping Jewish women open up to the Brachah of Children.

Some women who come for a treatment or join my special sub-group to my Tehillim group specifically for Zera Shel Kayema, share the difficult feedback they have been given by others and ask for Eitza as to how to manage with all manner of difficult comments. One group of comments has to do with being happy with what you have and not expecting more. 

In various places (Duties of the Heart; Laws for women by the Ben Ish Chai etc) we are taught to spend time being grateful for our lot. While much of this exercise relates to not desiring material objects that others have, many extend it to whether or not one is blessed with children.

So let's take a look for a few moments at the benefits of not having children:

  • First and foremost, more time for your husband, yourself and you as a couple
  • No morning sickness, no labour pains, no pain of childbirth, no risk of dying during child birth
  • No heartache or disappointment from disabled or ill or special needs children
  • No wasted time at doctors or other therapists that children might need to be taken to.
  • No worry about which school would be appropriate or whether the teacher will care or teach effectively.
  • No worry about your child being exposed to the wrong crowd or teachers or any other negative influence
  • No worry about potential accidents
  • No having to be neat and keep items out of the reach of children
  • NO............

Would you like to complete the list?

While this exercise is important in order to value time given to you and being saved certain suffering or anguish, and to prevent on feeling anger or bitterness, if all Jewish women had this attitude we would be in the situation we were in Mitzrayim prior to Miriam talking to her parents. Well, if we go back to when Pharoah decreed no Jewish boys should be born, the time when Miriam's parents had divorced and encouraged other Jewish couples to do so too, if it were not to Miriam's wise counsel where would we be? Would we be counting our blessings at not having had children? Well, there might be a saving of suffering, disappointment etc but there would also be no Moshe Rabeinu, no leader to take us out of Mitzrayim and very probably no receivng of the Sefer Torah.

So while it is important not to feel jealousy for those couples blessed with children at the start of their marriage or even those couples forced to marry due to a baby on the way, still, there has to be a balance. 
For those Jewish women reading this post, those who might spend time complaining about the very list that women without children don't go through, we want to hear, what makes YOU become mothers. If there are, in fact, a list of benefits to not having children, what is it within you that makes you want children and even more children. Please stop by and share your thoughts so as to inspire and encourage those without children to keep on striving, keep on Davening and not to give up.

And, for those women not yet blessed with children, please do be in touch. Join our support group, join our special sub-group of our Tehillim group for those married Jewish women needing the blessing of Zera Shel Kayema. Book a session and have a treatment, some have been blessed after only 1 session. It could happen to YOU too!!

We look forward to hearing from you

Shoshanah Shear

Occupational Therapist R, Healing Facilitator
Certified Infant Massage Instructor
Certified Kallah Teacher


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