Sunday, 26 October 2014

The Shidduch Crisis: The Importance of Marrying Jewish


This article is written by Shoshanah Shear, Freelance Writer and Author
Shadchan and more. 

In our previous post, we began to share the first of a series of Shidduch tips. Before we continue with these tips, we'd like to touch on various factors and issues that are contributing to the Shidduch crisis that is experienced world wide. 

Let us begin with an idea that for some is common sense but for others they can be wondering "What does that have to do with me?" The topic is "Why marry Jewish?"

Many feel that as long as the person is a good person, it does not matter if s/he is Jewish or not Jewish, as long as I marry a good person, that is what counts. Sadly that thinking is contributing to the Shidduch crisis.

"Nonsense!" you might say. Well let us take a look at a few concepts and then offer a summary.

In Parshas Va'Eschanan 7:3 we read "You shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughter to his son, and you shall not take his daughter for your son." This is a direct command in the Chumash itself which means it's a positive command or Mitzvah which is Torah based. Torah based Mitzvos have stronger importance and significance than Rabbinical Mitzvos. It is not that anyone is learning this out, it is a direct command in the Torah. 

Since we are commanded to marry Jews only, let us consider another concept. The Gemara in Nidda 16b teaches that at the time of conception, an angel takes a drop of this conception to Hashem in order to receive direction. Who the Neshama will marry, whether s/he will be rich or poor, what house s/he will be born into and many other details. If at the time of conception, it is already decided who the Neshama should marry, that Neshama will be a Jew. What does this mean?

At the time of birth, the baby is touched on the lip and forgets all that s/he learnt when in the womb. This means, whether or not the Neshama knew who s/he should marry, I do not know, but s/he comes into this world to fulfill a mission. Though we are given freedom of choice, the Chumash tells us to choose life. Life being fulfillment of Torah and Mitzvos.

So the baby is born to family x with exactly the set of circumstances that are perfect for whatever purpose s/he has come into this world. That includes marrying a specific person as decided for you when you were conceived. Now comes our problem related to why we should marry Jewish. 

Hashem in His infinite Wisdom will ONLY decree that a Jewish Neshama marries a Jewish Neshama as that is in keeping with Torah. If we come along and use our freedom of choice to marry someone who is not Jewish, not only do we go against a positive commandment of the Torah, but we force the Jew who was destined to be our soul -mate, our spouse, to go into the Shidduch pool and suffer the difficulty of trying to find you but you are not there. Where are you? With a non-Jew.

This is the first of various factors that are contributing to the Shidduch crisis.

What can you do to help? First and foremost, marry a Jew

In the next post we hope to give a few practical tips to help you to marry a Jew.


If you know any Jew or Jews who are looking to get married, Chessed Ve'Emet offers a comprehensive, professional Shidduch Service
Please be in touch for a Shidduch interview.

If you would like to learn more about the Torah approach to marrying, Chessed Ve'Emet offers Torah shiurim individually and in groups, online or in person. Do be in touch for this too.

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