Thursday, 20 November 2014

Shidduch Problems - Men over 50 - Part 1

Over the past months or year, we have had a number of men contact us for our Shidduch service. Before you get excited, these men have a tough request. They are men ages 50 – 70 some previously married with children, some previously married without children and some who never married. All of them are wanting children from the marriage they are searching for. Now if they would say they just want children and are open to how Hashem enables them to be a father, then there are many possibilities. They could, for example, marry a woman who has children and be a good step-father to them, they could support orphans, they could even adopt orphans or abandoned children. But these options are not ones they are prepared to consider. They all want their own biological children and hence before considering if a woman is compatible or not, number one is she must be young, thin, pretty and prepared to have all fertility treatment including I.V.F or egg donation if having children is not happening fast enough. Keep in mind that egg donation means the baby would not be the woman's biological child but this does not concern them.

I took this scenario to women in a few F.B. groups and have had some varied replies. I'll share some of these over several posts

The first group of responses were fairly similar. A number of women find this request makes them feel uncomfortable or ill, one expressed it as though "the men are looking for a breeding cow or goat and not someone to be a lifelong companion." (anonymous)

"Are they looking for a surrogate or a partner? Life works in funny ways. When one is a child there is hope married by age x, kids by age y etc and then life happens. I think they should look for someone to build a relationship, life with and hope for children etc. But then again in this day and age there are all types of people out there..." Anonymous

Please visit our blog again for the next post of comments on what women think of this request. 

Do you have an opinion on the topic. Please post your comment below.

Are you searching for a Shidduch? Visit our website, Chessed Ve'Emet and be in touch for your Shidduch Interview.

Having some difficulty with the Shidduch Process? Be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet for a Shidduch workshop, mentoring or counseling to assist in easing your process and helping you come to Chuppah.

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