Sunday, 30 November 2014

Shidduch Problems - Men over 50 - Part 3

We're discussing the theme that has come up of a number of men over 50 years old who are either previously married with children or never been married and want a Shidduch with a woman who can give them children. Some of them make demands at the outset as to what extent the woman has to be prepared to go with fertility treatment in order to provide the children they want. 

We have listed some comments from women in previous posts. Here are a few more comments from women on this topic.

"It is a whole problem with today's society where it is OK to postpone having children until later because one can make babies this days in a syringe, not the old way. Without thinking that sometimes later can be too late." (Anonymous)

Following along this line of thought, Yael Maizels, who has a PhD in developmental and cancer biology and teaches anatomy, shares "I think the media has unwittingly done a huge injustice to women - I.V.F is a phrase bandied around with such ease and people have no idea what the procedure requires. I think these men can't make this a precondition. Its absurd."

Another woman agreed. "Men should be aware that women have a body, and it belongs to them. The decision should be theirs. The effects of treatments etc. will be felt by them (the women). Some may want to go through it, some may not want to. Building a family together can be done through adoption as well. There are so many children out there that need homes. I would say men should focus on finding a woman, than work out building a family with them. Like dating couples at all ages do." (Anonymous)

One woman shared that she has a friend who pursued his career, obtained a PhD, got married later then the biological clock began to cause problems. They have already had several failed I.V.F treatments and the biological clock is clicking away.

"I would encourage the men to become more educated with the subject. Perhaps you can direct them to some literature and what it actually entails? If both members of a couple are interested in doing this, fine or looking into other ways to have children, but honestly, these men are 50 and they have to accept that perhaps that ship has sailed... She asked too, if some of these men are wanting "Miss young and pretty who can provide babies", what are they offering? Perhaps it's time for a reality check." (Anonymous)

Please visit our blog again for the next post of comments on what women think of this request. 

Do you have an opinion on the topic. Please post your comment below.

Are you searching for a Shidduch? Visit our website, Chessed Ve'Emet and be in touch for your Shidduch Interview.

Having some difficulty with the Shidduch Process? Be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet for a Shidduch workshop, mentoring or counseling to assist in easing your process and helping you come to Chuppah.


1 comment:

becomewhatur said...

as a former shadchanit, this used to make me furious when guys make this request. and it is so common. they wouldn't necesarily talk about IVF but they used to refuse to date women that were not fertile. i would always have the "nerve" to say to them "um, why would a 35 year old woman want you? you are delusional." it is a chutzpah for them to feel entitled to date out of their age range, imo.


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