Sunday, 30 November 2014

Shidduch Problems - Men over 50 - Part 3

We're discussing the theme that has come up of a number of men over 50 years old who are either previously married with children or never been married and want a Shidduch with a woman who can give them children. Some of them make demands at the outset as to what extent the woman has to be prepared to go with fertility treatment in order to provide the children they want. 

We have listed some comments from women in previous posts. Here are a few more comments from women on this topic.


"It is a whole problem with today's society where it is OK to postpone having children until later because one can make babies this days in a syringe, not the old way. Without thinking that sometimes later can be too late." (Anonymous)

Following along this line of thought, Yael Maizels, who has a PhD in developmental and cancer biology and teaches anatomy, shares "I think the media has unwittingly done a huge injustice to women - I.V.F is a phrase bandied around with such ease and people have no idea what the procedure requires. I think these men can't make this a precondition. Its absurd."

Another woman agreed. "Men should be aware that women have a body, and it belongs to them. The decision should be theirs. The effects of treatments etc. will be felt by them (the women). Some may want to go through it, some may not want to. Building a family together can be done through adoption as well. There are so many children out there that need homes. I would say men should focus on finding a woman, than work out building a family with them. Like dating couples at all ages do." (Anonymous)

One woman shared that she has a friend who pursued his career, obtained a PhD, got married later then the biological clock began to cause problems. They have already had several failed I.V.F treatments and the biological clock is clicking away.

"I would encourage the men to become more educated with the subject. Perhaps you can direct them to some literature and what it actually entails? If both members of a couple are interested in doing this, fine or looking into other ways to have children, but honestly, these men are 50 and they have to accept that perhaps that ship has sailed... She asked too, if some of these men are wanting "Miss young and pretty who can provide babies", what are they offering? Perhaps it's time for a reality check." (Anonymous)


Please visit our blog again for the next post of comments on what women think of this request. 

Do you have an opinion on the topic. Please post your comment below.

Are you searching for a Shidduch? Visit our website, Chessed Ve'Emet and be in touch for your Shidduch Interview.

Having some difficulty with the Shidduch Process? Be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet for a Shidduch workshop, mentoring or counseling to assist in easing your process and helping you come to Chuppah.


 


Thursday, 27 November 2014

Looking for a Suitable Match




Chessed Ve'Emet has a professional, comprehensive and caring Shidduch service. We work with Jews looking to get married both for first time and second marriages. We work with all Hashkafot that are authentic Torah. Age wise we work with early 20's right through to 70's.

We recently had a phone call from one of the lovely ladies in her 50's to find out if we had someone suitable for her. We'd really love to help her get married hence asked her permission to post a brief outline.

If you know any men from 52 years – 60 years old who are intelligent, learned in Torah but cool, living in Israel or prepared to live here. The man must be financially secure. Hashkafa should preferably be Chabakook. He must be interested in marrying a widow in her 50's who has children from a previous marriage.

She is a friendly, fun, caring person, easy to talk to with many interests.

If you know any Jewish men who suit this description, please have them be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet to come for an interview to find out if you are a suitable match. 

We do have other women in this age range, too.

We look forward to hearing form you

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

The Benefit of Learning Torah

I was learning a little from Pirkei Avot (Ethics of our Fathers) and reminded of some beautiful and powerful thoughts. Pirkei Avot is a section from Mishnah that contains a selection of moral teachings from our sages of 2000 years ago.

In Pirkei Avot 6: 9 we learn of a powerful exchange that took place between a rabbi and a certain man. 
"Rabbi Yose ben Krisma said: 'Once, I was walking along the road when a man came up to me. He greeted me and I returned the greeting. He said to me, 'Rabbi, from what place are you?' 

I said to him, 'I am from a great city of scholars and sages.' 

He said to me, 'Rabbi, would you be willing to live with us, in our place? I would give you thousands upon thousands of golden dinars, precious stones and pearls.'

I replied, 'Even if you were to give me all the silver and gold, precious stones and pearls in the world, I would dwell nowhere but in a place of Torah.' And so it is written in the book of Psalms by David, King of Israel: 'I prefer Torah of Your mouth above thousands in gold and silver' (Psalms 119:72). Further, when a man departs from this world, neither silver, nor gold, nor precious stones, nor pearls escort him, but only Torah study and good deeds, as it is said: 'When you walk it shall guide you, when you lie down, it shall guard you; and when you awake, it shall speak on your behalf' (Proverbs 6:22) 'When you walk, it shall guide you' - refers to this world; 'when you lie down, it shall guard you' - refers to when you are in the grave; 'and when you awake' it shall speak on your behalf' - in the World to Come. And it says:' mine is the silver, and Mine is the gold, says Hashem (G-d), Master of Legions (Chaggai 2:8)" (translation mostly with assistance of Artscroll's edition of Pirkei Avot)

The most precious possession we can acquire in this world is Torah learning and acts of goodness and kindness.  Don't wait until it is too late to try to learn what you should have been learning all your life. Begin your learning today. Contact us at Chessed Ve'Emet. We have learning opportunities for various different levels of Torah learning. 

If you are really busy and not yet sure how to make the time to learn, not to worry, you can participate by supporting Torah. Help us to develop our Torah outreach further and make a contribution and share the link. Everyone stands to gain.





Monday, 24 November 2014

Learning Torah Online

What are your thoughts of learning Torah?

More and more, people verbalize the problems of today. The modern lifestyle and how life has in so many ways lost meaning. What is the purpose? What is the point?

There are answers, and the answers to ALL your questions lie in the Torah. Some enjoy going to a group Shiur (lesson) but for some who live in areas far from a Synagogue or, who for various reasons need to learn online from the comfort of their own home, another option is necessary.

Chessed Ve'Emet uses the latest options to reach out to all. Torah teaching is possible via Skype with webcam, gmail with webcam, google hangout or even various virtual classrooms. We'd like to get the word out to many more Jews and non-Jews who need to learn the wealth of wisdom that Torah has to offer.

Please join us in our current campaign. If you would like to sign up for online Torah learning, you are welcome to do so by emailing us or visiting our website and being in touch via the contact page.

 

Sunday, 23 November 2014

Shidduch Problems - Men over 50 - Part 2



We're discussing the issues raised when a man over 50 wants to marry and still have children and sets a number of conditions before even considering if the woman might be a potential match. Please visit our previous post for more information. 

As mentioned in the other post, we took this scenario to some women on a few F.B. groups. The next group of responses had some comments of understanding towards the man's situation. 

A few women acknowledged the man's position but stated that "given the fact they have let life slide by and many have not focused on marriage when younger, they have little respect for them. The women request that these men consider marrying a woman who already has children or adopting." (anonymous)

A med student said that "the feeling of needing to have a biological child is not limited to gender. The difference is, a woman can now-a-days have a biological child without a man. For a man to do so, it is a lot harder, and in Israel, impossible. (Finding an egg donor and surrogate). I don't think it's wrong for the man to look for someone who he can have a child with, esp. if he's saying it upfront. If a woman doesn't agree with that approach they don't need to marry him. If both parties know what they're getting into, that's their right." (R. B)

"I think it is fair to say they are looking to start a family but ridiculous and arrogant to make fertility treatments a precondition to even dating. It worries me that if this is how older men, who are "supposed" to be mature and wiser, think - what hope is there for the younger generation when looking for a Shidduch?" (Anonymous)

"I think it is very fair for them to say that they want kids, preferably their own. On the other hand, it makes it icky to specify what is needed for that to happen." (Anonymous)


Please visit our blog again for the next post of comments on what women think of this request. 

Do you have an opinion on the topic. Please post your comment below.

Are you searching for a Shidduch? Visit our website, Chessed Ve'Emet and be in touch for your Shidduch Interview.

Having some difficulty with the Shidduch Process? Be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet for a Shidduch workshop, mentoring or counselling to assist in easing your process and helping you come to Chuppah.

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Shidduch Problems - Men over 50 - Part 1



Over the past months or year, we have had a number of men contact us for our Shidduch service. Before you get excited, these men have a tough request. They are men ages 50 – 70 some previously married with children, some previously married without children and some who never married. All of them are wanting children from the marriage they are searching for. Now if they would say they just want children and are open to how Hashem enables them to be a father, then there are many possibilities. They could, for example, marry a woman who has children and be a good step-father to them, they could support orphans, they could even adopt orphans or abandoned children. But these options are not ones they are prepared to consider. They all want their own biological children and hence before considering if a woman is compatible or not, number one is she must be young, thin, pretty and prepared to have all fertility treatment including I.V.F or egg donation if having children is not happening fast enough. Keep in mind that egg donation means the baby would not be the woman's biological child but this does not concern them.

I took this scenario to women in a few F.B. groups and have had some varied replies. I'll share some of these over several posts

The first group of responses were fairly similar. A number of women find this request makes them feel uncomfortable or ill, one expressed it as though "the men are looking for a breeding cow or goat and not someone to be a lifelong companion." (anonymous)

"Are they looking for a surrogate or a partner? Life works in funny ways. When one is a child there is hope married by age x, kids by age y etc and then life happens. I think they should look for someone to build a relationship, life with and hope for children etc. But then again in this day and age there are all types of people out there..." Anonymous

Please visit our blog again for the next post of comments on what women think of this request. 

Do you have an opinion on the topic. Please post your comment below.

Are you searching for a Shidduch? Visit our website, Chessed Ve'Emet and be in touch for your Shidduch Interview.

Having some difficulty with the Shidduch Process? Be in touch with Chessed Ve'Emet for a Shidduch workshop, mentoring or counseling to assist in easing your process and helping you come to Chuppah.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Are you Searching for Meaning

Are you searching for meaning in your life? Are the current events in the world causing you to question and wonder? All kinds of questions can come up, especially to the last few weeks in Israel. While some questions will have to wait for answers until the coming of Moshiach (the Messiah) when Eliyahu HaNavi (Elijah the Prophet) will answer all our questions, there are many answers we can find. 

The only real place to find answers to the meaningful of our lives, how to develop purpose, how to increase meaning and purpose in our lives, what is good and kind and when it is kind to set a limit is to study from the Torah. In truth, how to live effectively in this world and realize our potential, is all to be found in the Torah. For the Torah was given to us from the Creator of all, Who "Looked into the Torah and Created the World." 

What does this mean? Was this before creating light and dark? If so, how did He see to look into a Torah? How did the Torah exist if it was not yet written as we know it? How did He Look if G-d has no body?

If you have questions, the place to find them is in the Torah. It takes having the right teacher and lots of patience to learn and learn, ask questions and learn some more. It takes being humble enough to say you don't understand and to keep searching until you find an answer or reach a level where you realize your question has to be set aside for Eliyahu HaNavi to answer.

At Chessed Ve'Emet we offer Torah learning online and in person. We invite you to join us from the comfort of your own home. Learn a specific section or from a Sefer of your choice. If you do not yet know how to read Hebrew, we can teach you that too. 

Please note, we teach authentic Torah only.

Find the meaning in your life that you are searching for.  

Be in touch TODAY!

We look forward to hearing from you. 


Sunday, 16 November 2014

Does Judaism Believe in LIfe after Death? Part 2


In a previous post we mentioned the first time in the day that we become aware of life beyond this world. In the sequence of tasks for one's daily routine, our next reminder of a world beyond this word is when reciting the morning blessings. Following the initial 17 blessings, we reciting a blessing for learning Torah. This is recited at the start of the day to cover any aspect of Torah learning that we might engage in at any time of the day and night ahead of us. 

The last paragraph that is recited ends with a list of activities we engage in for which we are rewarded in this world while the main reward awaits us in the World to Come. From the wording used here we are aware that Judaism has a belief not only in a world after this one but also that we receive reward for good deeds carried out in this world.

If you would like to learn more about the teachings of the Torah on the topic of the soul and they journey of the soul, or the laws related to our daily living, please visit our website www.lovingkindness.co and sign up for our online Torah learning. If you are in Israel and would prefer to learn in person, please be in touch for that too. 
If you would like to sponsor learning of Mishnayos in the merit of a loved one, Chessed Ve'Emet offers a special service for this.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

How to Select an Appropriate Kallah Teacher



How do you select a Kallah teacher who is right for you?

That's an excellent question. There are a few factors to keep in mind:

1) Location: 

Do you wish to go to a Kallah teacher in person? If so, is there one in your area? 

If not, a good option is online learning. 

If you are open to learning online, Chessed Ve'Emet offers Kallah lessons online and in person and would be happy to teach you.

2) Knowledge of your Kallah teacher:

You want to make sure that your Kallah teacher is certified and has the knowledge that you need. 

Chessed Ve'Emet has Shoshanah Shear who is a Kallah teacher and occupational therapist working in the area of women's health and health-and-wellness.

3) Availability:

You need to make sure that your Kallah teacher is available with enough time to teach you all the material before your Chuppah. Be in touch with those you wish to learn with and find out how many sessions you will need and whether they have the time available to teach you effectively

4) Price:

If you are getting married, you want your Kallah lessons to be affordable. But remember, you get what you pay for, so free is not always the best option. If you are searching for a Kallah teacher who is dedicated to teaching this material and will invest the time necessary to help you master this important area of your married life, starting with coming to Chuppah, then be prepared to respect their time and be willing to compensate them accordingly. Of course the compensation needs to be affordable but showing your respect for their time, effort and knowledge will pay off by their giving even more of themselves to help you master this material. 

These are just a few tips, If you have any questions or would like to sign up for Kallah lessons, do be in touch with us at Chessed Ve'Emet - chessedveemet@gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you.  

BONUS!

Chessed Ve'Emet also provides classes for your Chatan! Once you're ready to master the material needed - have your Chatan be in touch us as well so that you have the advantage of learning from one organisation - together!

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Does Judaism Believe in Life after Death?





A reader recently asked:

"Does Judaism believe in a world after this one or in life after death?"

The answer is yes. The first place that we are aware of something taking place beyond this world is in the first moments we awaken and begin to open our eyes each day. Torah law commands Jews to recite a blessing upon awakening that thanks G-d for restoring their soul to them. If so, one can ask where did my soul go to that I should thank G-d for giving it back to me?

Here we have the first glimpse that our soul does not remain in our body for 24 hours of the day all  the days of our lives, but leaves our body at certain times and it is the kindness of G-d that our soul is returned to us each morning.

If you would like to learn more about the teachings of the Torah on the topic of sleep, the soul and they journey of the soul, or the laws related to our daily living, please visit our website www.lovingkindness.co and sign up for our online Torah learning. If you are in Israel and would prefer to learn in person, please be in touch for that too. 

If you would like to sponsor learning of Mishnayos in the merit of a loved one, Chessed Ve'Emet offers a special service for this.

Friday, 7 November 2014

FaceBook Groups and Shidduchim




We have joined a few of the Face Book groups to assist with Shidduchim, help your friends get married and the like. It is amazing to see how many will keep commenting the same kinds of comments. Are these groups helping?

A recent comment from a professional who is single shows that there is a need for something more. The personal touch and professional attention of a Shadchan who devotes time to assist in this process.

If you find yourself frustrated with posting on various online groups and not getting the kinds of dates you are looking for, do take a look at our Professional, Caring Shidduch Service. We do have a structured interview to start the process but you will find that it is well worth the time and money to invest in the 1-2 hours to complete the interview.

Please be intouch, we'd love to hear from you and you help you in your process of coming to Chuppah.

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